At the start of this year, as my life was changing completely, God gave me the focus word of Honor. I grab onto a new focus word each year to study and ask God to reveal what it really means. When I was given the word honor during prayer, I must admit I wasn’t excited about it. Last year my word was hope, which is so much easier to understand and study. But, honor would be my focus this year.
As usual, I thought I knew what direction God would take me with this focus word, and as usual, I was completely wrong. I assumed it would a year of learning how to honor God, my husband, those in authority over me, and myself. As the year has progressed, however, I am seeing a connection I didn’t realize was there. I thought I did a fairly decent job of honoring those around me, but what I’m learning has less to do with what I’m giving out, and so much more to do with the state of my heart.
Recently, I have been plagued by the tenderness of my heart. I am easily moved to tears, and my empathy is through the roof. I have always loved others, but in the past 6 months I have found myself crying out to God on behalf of others in a way I have never done before. This is a beautiful change in my heart, but it also leaves me vulnerable to feelings that I have never experienced.
At first, I chalked up this emotional response to the change in my life and my circumstances. I am in a new city, without the support of my family back home, and without the support of my church family and friends to hold me up when I am weak. I have asked God on several occasions why my heart is so tender, and I have prayed for it to stop, or at the very least, for an explanation.
Tonight, I got that explanation…. humility.
You see, as I have been studying honor, it has changed my heart and broken down walls of pride I had built up over the years; walls which protected me from being vulnerable enough to get hurt. Those same walls, however, kept me from making real connections with others. You can’t have one without the other. So… as these walls have come down, I have been humbled before God which has led me to a deeper understanding of honor, and greater ability to truly honor God and others.
You cannot truly honor God or others in the absence of humility.
This is the truth I have learned as I study honor, and in my time of waiting on God to open the door to the next season He has for me, He has stripped me of my pride. The hidden arrogance and ego, that dictated my decisions and interfered with my relationship with God and with others, is being chipped away bit by bit. I am learning to allow myself to be vulnerable enough to be truly humble before God. This is the most powerful lesson I have learned in my life thus far because it is changing how I approach every aspect of my life, beginning with my walk with God.
I am still struggling with patience during this waiting period, but one thing I know – God is God, I am not, and He is Faithful. For now, I will embrace this tender heart, this time of waiting, and allow the Holy Spirit to guide me each step of the way.
What is God doing in your life today? Are you in a season of waiting?