Psalm 34: 1 I will bless the Lord at all times; His praise will always be on my lips.
I have been in Florida for a few days visiting with my children and attending the Celebration of Life for my nephew. This is a new season for me; getting to know my kids as adults is incredible. I truly love who they have become. They are just starting their life journey, filled with the ups and downs that will be a constant through the years. Watching them navigate the world with fresh faces and attitudes free of cynicism is refreshing. I remember those days in my own life, before struggles and tragedies clouded my thinking. Today as I write this, I am keenly aware of how much bitterness has settled into my mind. What happened to the fresh faced girl I used to see in the mirror?
Don’t get me wrong, my life has been beautiful thus far. I have had my share of trouble and heartache, but it has been intermixed with so much joy and love that I wouldn’t trade for anything. And now? Now I wonder what is next.
What do I want to do with the rest of my life? Who do I want to be? What dreams am I harboring that I am afraid to chase?
I know what I want to do if I could do anything, but I have difficulty seeing just how that can come to pass. Those things that make my heart swell are my heart’s desires. Most of the time they seem like pipe dreams, but I just can’t let them go. At the same time I find myself wondering if God will ever partner with me in these desires. Sure, I could go for it on my own and possibly succeed through my own ambition, but that is not what I truly want. I long to be a vessel to be used by Him, and if I chase my desires without the anointing of God, I will never find true satisfaction and contentment.
But… will it ever happen??
As I prayed over this question, God quietly asked me two things: How much do I love Jesus, and is Jesus enough for me? On the surface these seemed like easy questions to answer. Of course I love Jesus with my whole heart, life, mind, and being. He is more than enough for me.
As I began to unpack these questions, I realized the answers weren’t so simple. Is Jesus really enough, or are there strings attached to my love for Him? What if God told me that I would never see the desires of my heart come to pass? What if He told me that my role here on earth was something as simple as working a job that I didn’t love for the rest of my life, never seeing or knowing the impact my life would have on the kingdom of God? What if God allowed everything be taken away from me as happened to Job? If I was alone, homeless, and hurting… would Jesus still be enough?
The answers I had to face were not pretty. It was as if the Holy Spirit sprinkled powder on my life and all the invisible strings that I had carefully placed on my relationship with Jesus were now visible. It was a humbling sight to behold. My true answer to the question was “Yes, Jesus is enough if… (fill in the blank).
As I drove the nine hours to Florida, I heard a song I hadn’t heard in years. It was Shane and Shane’s song, Though You Slay Me, and I was brought to my knees in repentance.
Now I am facing this season with a fresh perspective. I no longer definitively say that Jesus is enough for me. Instead I humbly pray for God to change my heart daily so that Jesus is all I need. This attitude shift has opened my eyes in a new way to what it means to be Christian; a Jesus follower.
If Jesus is truly enough and everything else is secondary, the mountain top moments are more glorious, and the days in the valley are less tragic. It is what walking through life in the Peace of God really means.
Jesus is enough…
Jesus is MORE than enough.
Take a moment and ponder this question: Is Jesus enough for you?